So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
