i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
