New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thank you for not boning my boss.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
