It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
