Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
