You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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