I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need water and some morals
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
