kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
