I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
