i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
