SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
