I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
