These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
