I hope mine doesn't look like that
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
