yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
