I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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