And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
