Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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