Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
