He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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