I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
