Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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