normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
