After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
