Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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