Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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