So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
