forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
