I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
