i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I need to stop coming to work sober
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
