All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
