Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
