Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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