I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
