Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
