I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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