I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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