Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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