Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
