Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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