So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
