nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
