Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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