Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
