I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
