What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
