So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I could make wine with my vomit
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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