dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
