Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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