I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
